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Again, this checklist is meant to give you a qualitative sense of difficulties in self-giving in your marriage. Selfishness is one of the major enemies of married love.

This common personality weakness creates significant pain and suffering in marriages and families.

Also, it interferes with the development of true betrothed marital love because the person has great difficulty in moving from me to we and in surrendering oneself to ones spouse.Unless it is uncovered and resolved by growth in virtues, selfishness will lead spouses to treat loved ones as objects and not as gifted persons.A score below 10 indicates mild mistrust, a score between 10 and 20 shows moderate mistrust and above 20, severe mistrust.Now please rate the origins of trust weaknesses in you and in your fiance/fiancee below.Please complete the following selfishness checklist by identifying the appropriate number which applies to your spouse and to you using this scale: The ability to trust and to feel safe is the foundation for self-giving love and for receiving love.

If we do not feel safe and relaxed, we can withhold love, be unable to receive love, act angry to distance loved ones or try to control those we love.

Fortunately, when this unique and powerful emotion is uncovered and addressed, its negative influence on marital love can be reduced significantly and often resolved.

When anger is removed from the heart, a spouse regularly rediscovers love for the other spouse.

Please rate yourself and your spouse on the anger mistrust checklist as follows The chapter on marital anger should be helpful in managing and in diminishing anger in your marriage and family.

We want to suggest that you might consider now taking a break in this survey for a few hours or a few days.

Then, spouses can reach a maturity in self-giving and in the freedom to live, as John Paul II has written, the gifts of love and forgiveness to the full.