On the other hand, I have been deceitful and manipulative for almost my entire adult life. Part of my motivation for writing is that I am particularly attached to the woman I'm having an affair with now, and both of us fantasize about being together openly. And these women didn't "turn into" one-year, three-year, seven-month, and four-months-and-counting affairs on their own.
I'm a liar, a cheat, a user, and a manipulator—and it just keeps happening. You turned them into affairs by continuing to show up. Zooming out: If all it takes for some rando to get her hands on your otherwise committed cock is to DM you on Instagram, you have no business making monogamous commitments.And while you claim that each of these women pursued you despite knowing you were in an exclusive relationship, it doesn't sound like you ran from any of them. " as if the universe were conspiring against you somehow. If you'd sought out a partner who wanted an open relationship—a wide-open one—you could have had concurrent, committed, nonexclusive relationships and avoided being "a liar, a cheat, a user," etc.Or maybe you're the wrong kind of sadist: the un-self-aware emotional sadist.You say you love your wife, but you also say she'd be crushed—destroyed—if she discovered what you've been doing.The tragedy is how unnecessary your choices have been.
There are women out there who aren't interested in monogamy, there are female cuckolds out there (cuckqueans) who want cheating husbands, and there are masochistic women (and men) out there who get off on the thought of being with a person who would like to crush them. We met in college and, except for a six-month break, we've been together ever since.At best, you broke into (or slowed to) a trot, which allowed each one of these lady predators to overtake you. You weren't hit by a pussy meteor every time you left the house. Seeing as you're a reader, ASSHOLE, I suspect you knew an honest open relationship was an option—that ethical nonmonogamy was an option—but you didn't pursue that. Maybe because you don't want to be with a woman who is free to sit on other dicks.The first step toward holding yourself accountable for your appalling actions—a close friend of your wife? Or maybe the wrongness and the self-loathing—the whole bad-boy-on-the-rack routine—turn you on. Not one-night-stand scenarios, but longer-term connections. These have included what turned into a one-year affair with a single woman, a three-year affair with a close friend of my wife, a seven-month affair with a married coworker, and now a fairly serious four-months-and-counting relationship with a woman who approached me on Instagram. I love her, we get along great, and the sex is good—if I wasn't such a lying piece of shit, you could even say we make a pretty good team. Instead, women who knew I was in an "exclusive" relationship have approached me.After trying some new arrangements—only together, only at sex parties, DADT—he realized he wasn't comfortable with any situation.