And if it hasn’t happened to you yet, you can say “What’s wrong with these terrible people on these awful sites?” Or you can ask, “How can I make this work for me, despite the obvious flaws? But I’ll tell you, all it takes is one person – and you’ll be standing right with me.
“It’s a product of the growing normalcy of using social media apps,” says Moira Weigel, author of “Labor of Love: The Invention of Online Dating” (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2016).
“Our real-life and online identities are more and more interwoven.” Because of this cultural shift, online dating sites now have unprecedented reach into our lives. Reams have been written about online dating, but as far as we know, no one has put the sites to the test.
Turn on the TV and it’s not about kittens being saved from trees, but drive-by shootings.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of kittens saved from trees.
Just look at how many people seeking dates or mates are flocking to matchmaking sites and apps.
According to a 2015 study by the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of American adults have used online dating sites (web-based platforms like Match.com) and/or dating apps (location-based smartphone apps like Tinder).
If you choose to wait for lightning to strike until you go on another date with the “right” guy, you might be waiting a long, long time. Listen, you might think I’m nuts to keep on preaching positivity. All I know is that it’s freakin’ HARD to meet someone.
We have our small lives: our circle of married friends, our work buddies, a few single people, and that’s it.
And as you get into your mid-30’s, the bar scene is really old and set-ups have become a bit of a joke. But because it creates opportunity where previously there was none. My best friend in New York is marrying a man she met on e Harmony. My sister’s best friend is in love with a man she met on e Harmony. So as I see it, you have two choices: quit online dating and make a supreme effort to go to as many parties, coffee shops and adult education classes as possible OR try to find a way to avoid the worst of the online daters.
While it’s nice to say, “I want to meet someone organically, where our eyes meet, so I can feel chemistry”, that simply doesn’t happen very often. My first love, in 2003, was a Filipino woman that worked in the pharmaceutical industry and lived in a different part of town. I have dozens of clients who are married, engaged and in love with people they met online. So let’s acknowledge the flaws of online dating: the liars, the bores, the flakes, the crazies, the morons, the perverts, the poor spellers, and so on. The third, and most popular choice, is to quit and wait for your soulmate to drop out of the sky, like “The Secret” for love. Your best bet is to keep dusting yourself off, learning from your mistakes, and staying in the game. But sometimes, with enough perseverence (as well as luck, timing, a good profile and a positive attitude), you’ll fall in love.
They move on with their lives, while everyone else complains about the sites and the awful people on the sites.